Communication skills and prudence make men’s and women’s lists, but they don’t come out on top.
hitooshi is a Japanese online dating site to be more specific konkatsu service. Literally translated as “marital activity”, konkatsu is the term used when singles in Japan are not looking for a casual dating partner but for a serious relationship with someone who is looking for a spouse.
Hitooshi recently conducted a survey among its users over the past year, by asking them what is the most important thing they look for in a future bride or groom. A total of 2018 responses were collected, and Hitooshi split the data to determine the top five lists for men and women.
5. A good conversationalist (elected by men)
5. Understanding/respect (elected by women)
As we will see a little later, good conversational skills were rated even higher by women, taking third place on their list, and even the fifth answer of women concerned communication, because the example of understanding/respect, which was given, among others, by “listening to me when I speak” and “not denying me my opinion”.
4. Independence (elected by men)
4. Honesty (elected by women)
None of the number four answers appeared on the opposite sex list (incidentally, examples of honesty included “I won’t cheat on me” and “He won’t lie to me”). This may not mean that women don’t care about self-sufficiency and men are indifferent to loyalty, but rather that marriage-minded women in Japan expect a guy to do konkatsu be independent, and men also take it for granted konkatsu women will be honest.
3. Prudence/prudence (elected by men)
3. A good conversationalist (elected by women)
The importance of being able to have a conversation is being tested on the female roster, and we’re about to see another overlap.
2. Acceptance of my interests/hobbies (elected by men)
2. Consideration/consideration (elected by women)
It seems between the men’s answers here and “independence” fourth on their list konkatsu men hope to maintain some part of the lifestyle to which they are accustomed, even after marriage. This may be because usually men who use konkatsu dating sites, unlike regular dating sites, tend to be older than their female counterparts, and thus more likely to have settled into certain comfortable patterns of living as singles by now.
On the other hand, at the top of the list, men and women said they wanted the same from their spouse.
1. Good looking (elected by men)
1. Good looking (elected by women)
Yes, when asked what they are looking for in their future life partner, the most common response from both men and women was good looks. However, the way they defined “good looks” wasn’t always the same. When asked what they meant by this term, the most common answer from men (38 percent of them) was “Someone Who Is Attractive” while the most popular description of women, coming from 58 percent, was “Someone who looks clean and well-groomed.” However, this still may not indicate a very clear difference of opinion, as “attractive” and “clean” are not mutually exclusive and often go hand in hand with basic appearance preferences in Japan.
However, this does not necessarily mean that appearance is the number one priority for all Japanese men who want to get married. When Hitooshi was searching data for responses from users who have started a serious romantic relationship in the last year (whether they met their partner through Hitooshi or elsewhere), the top five things they wanted in a spouse were different.
● Chosen by men
1. Acceptance of my interests/hobbies
2. Good looking
5. Good manners / manners
● Chosen by women
2. A good conversationalist
3. Good looking
4. Mental stability
However, looking good still shows up on both lists, so while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, being pleasing to the eye will still increase the number of marriages for both men and women.
Source: PR times by Otaku
Top image: Pakutaso
Insert images: Pakutaso (1, 2)
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